The most effective way to influence someone is to arouse in them an eager want for the thing you are suggesting, rather than trying to force your own desire on them.
Carnegie’s formulation is simple: “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
When you can frame your request in terms of what the other person already wants — recognition, security, importance, or relief from a problem — they become an active participant instead of a reluctant listener.
This principle appears throughout the book in stories about salesmen, managers, and family members who succeeded by first understanding the other person’s motivations.