Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is bad at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique — be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in their ability to do it, and that they have an undeveloped flair for it — and they will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.
The Two Dancing Teachers
A bachelor of about forty took dancing lessons when his fiancée persuaded him. The first teacher told him the truth: he was all wrong, he would just have to forget everything and begin all over again. That took the heart out of him. He had no incentive to go on. He quit.
The next teacher may have been lying, but he liked it. She said his dancing was a bit old-fashioned perhaps, but the fundamentals were all right, and he wouldn't have any trouble learning a few new steps. She praised the things he did right and minimized his errors. "You have a natural sense of rhythm. You really are a natural-born dancer."
"My common sense tells me that I always have been and always will be a fourth-rate dancer; yet, deep in my heart, I still like to think that maybe she meant it... At any rate, I know I am a better dancer than I would have been if she hadn't told me I had a natural sense of rhythm. That encouraged me. That gave me hope. That made me want to improve."
Lowell Thomas and Bridge
Carnegie was invited to sit in on a bridge game at Lowell Thomas's home. He knew nothing about bridge. No! No! Impossible! The game had always been a complete mystery to him.
"Why, Dale, it is no trick at all," Lowell replied. "There is nothing to bridge except memory and judgment. You've written articles on memory. Bridge will be a cinch for you. It's right up your alley."
And presto, almost before Carnegie realized what was happening, he found himself at a bridge table for the first time. All because he was told he had a natural flair for it and the game was made to seem easy.
Ely Culbertson
Culbertson would never have made a profession out of bridge if a certain young woman hadn't assured him he had a flair for it. He had come to America in 1922, tried teaching philosophy and sociology (failed), tried selling coal (failed), tried selling coffee (failed). He played some bridge but it had never occurred to him to teach it — he was also a very poor player. Then he met bridge teacher Josephine Dillon, fell in love, and married her. She noticed how carefully he analyzed his cards and persuaded him that he was a potential genius at the card table. That encouragement alone, Culbertson told Carnegie, caused him to make a profession of bridge.
Clarence Jones and David
David, age fifteen, had been held back two years in school after a car accident left a scar on his forehead; administrators decided he was brain-injured. He was in seventh grade but couldn't multiply, added on his fingers, could barely read.
His adoptive father, Clarence Jones, discovered David loved radios and mechanical devices. He encouraged this, pointed out that math was required for the training David wanted. Together they made four sets of flashcards — multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. When David missed one, Jones gave him the answer, placed it in the repeat stack, celebrated each card he got right. They timed each session with a stopwatch. First night: 52 minutes. Then 48, 45, 44, 41, under 40. They celebrated each reduction — Jones would call in his wife, they'd all hug David and dance a jig. Within a month, David was doing all cards correctly in under eight minutes.
His algebra grades jumped. He brought home a B in math — for the first time ever. Later, his science exhibit on levers won first prize at the school science fair and third prize for all of Cincinnati. From the last quarter of eighth grade through the end of high school, he never failed to make the honor roll. He was elected to the national honor society.
"Here was a kid who had flunked two grades, who had been told he was 'brain-damaged,' who had been called 'Frankenstein' by his classmates... Once he found learning was easy, his whole life changed."
The Mechanism
The discouragement technique (you're doing this all wrong, start over) destroys incentive before it forms. The encouragement technique (your fundamentals are fine, you have a flair for this, here's just one small adjustment) gives the person a self-image that is worth defending and expanding. The work becomes an expression of a self they already believe in.
Connections
- praise-every-improvement — the previous principle; praise each improvement; this principle explains the psychology that makes that praise work: it makes the next improvement feel achievable
- give-fine-reputation — assign the person the identity of someone who can succeed; making the fault seem easy is the tactical complement — you name who they are, and make the next step small enough to take
- throw-down-challenge — the contrast: challenge activates the desire to excel through competition; this technique works through making the task feel possible rather than daunting; choose based on the person and the situation