Let the Other Person Do the Talking
Let the Other Person Do the Talking
Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking. Let the other person talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask questions. Let them tell you a few things. And if you disagree, don't interrupt — it's dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression.
The $1,600,000 Laryngitis Case
G.B.R., a sales rep for an upholstery fabric manufacturer, arrived to make a final plea for a $1.6M contract and discovered he had completely lost his voice. He wrote on a pad: "Gentlemen, I have lost my voice. I am speechless."
The company president said: "I'll do the talking for you." He did — exhibited the samples, praised their good points. A lively discussion arose about the merits of the goods. The president, since he was talking for G.B.R., took the position G.B.R. would have taken. G.B.R.'s sole participation: smiles, nods, a few gestures.
"As a result of this unique conference, I was awarded the contract — the biggest order I had ever received." His conclusion: "I know I would have lost the contract if I hadn't lost my voice, because I had the wrong idea about the whole proposition. I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking."
Mrs. Druckenbrod's Chickens
Joseph S. Webb (Philadelphia Electric) was trying to bring electricity to Pennsylvania Dutch farmers who slammed doors on company reps. Mrs. Druckenbrod slammed the door twice. Webb didn't try to sell electricity. He noticed her chickens — fine Dominick hens — and mentioned he'd like to buy a dozen fresh eggs. She opened the door wider. He remarked he'd never seen a finer flock. She told him about them at length.
He complimented her poultry house, asked her advice on several points, listened. She remarked that neighbors with electric lights in their henhouses were getting excellent results. She asked his honest opinion on whether it would pay.
Two weeks later, Mrs. Druckenbrod's hens were clucking contentedly under electric lights. She had talked herself into buying. "I should never have sold electricity to this Pennsylvania Dutch farmwife if I had not first let her talk herself into it! People can't be 'sold.' You have to let them buy."
Laurie and Her Mother
Barbara Wilson's daughter Laurie had become uncooperative and sometimes belligerent. Wilson lectured, threatened, punished — to no avail. One day, exhausted and empty of anger, she simply looked at her daughter and said sadly: "Why, Laurie, why?"
Laurie paused, then asked: "Do you really want to know?" Wilson nodded. And Laurie told her — first hesitantly, then it all flowed out. She had never been listened to. There were always orders, interruptions, ultimatums. She needed not a bossy mother but a confidante.
"From that time on I let her do all the talking she wanted. She tells me what is on her mind, and our relationship has improved immeasurably."
Charles T. Cubellis
Cubellis answered an executive job ad. Before the interview he spent hours on Wall Street finding out everything about the man who founded the business. During the interview he remarked: "I should be mighty proud to be associated with an organization with a record like yours. I understand you started twenty-eight years ago with nothing but room for a desk and a stenographer. Is that true?"
Almost every successful person likes to reminisce about early struggles. The executive talked for a long time about $450 in cash, 12–16 hour days, fighting against the odds. He questioned Cubellis briefly about his experience, then called in a VP: "I think this is the person we are looking for." Cubellis had let the executive do most of the talking and made a favorable impression.
La Rochefoucauld's Warning
"If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you." When our friends excel us, they feel important. When we excel them and trumpet our successes, it arouses envy and resentment.
So minimize achievements. Be modest. Encourage others to talk instead. "Life is too short to bore other people with talk of our petty accomplishments."
Connections
- active-listening — Part 2's listening principle; this page is its persuasion counterpart: let them talk not just to understand them, but because it wins them to your side
- genuine-interest-in-others — genuine interest gives you real things to ask about; the talking follows naturally
- make-others-feel-important — letting someone talk about themselves is one of the fastest ways to make them feel important
- let-them-feel-its-their-idea — when someone talks themselves to a conclusion, it becomes their own idea