Appeal to the Nobler Motives
J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.
The person himself will think of the real reason. You don't need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
The nobler motive is not a lie. It is the version of the person's motivation they can most proudly inhabit — and when you name it first, they tend to live up to it.
Hamilton J. Farrell's Disgruntled Tenant
Farrell (Farrell-Mitchell Company, Glenolden, Pennsylvania) had a tenant threatening to move out four months before his lease expired. The real-reason approach would have been: "Read your lease. If you move, the full balance is due at once, and I will collect."
Instead: "Mr. Doe, I have listened to your story, and I still don't believe you intend to move. Years in the renting business have taught me something about human nature, and I sized you up in the first place as being a man of your word. In fact, I am so sure of it that I am willing to take a gamble... For after all, we are either men or monkeys — and the choice usually lies with ourselves!"
When the new month came, the tenant paid his rent in person. He and his wife had decided the only honorable thing was to live up to their lease.
Lord Northcliffe and the Photograph
When Lord Northcliffe found a newspaper using a picture of him that he didn't want published, he wrote the editor. Did he say, "I don't like it"? No. He appealed to the respect and love all of us have for motherhood: "Please do not publish that picture of me anymore. My mother doesn't like it."
John D. Rockefeller Jr. and the Photographers
Rockefeller didn't say "I don't want their pictures published." He appealed to the desire, deep in all of us, to refrain from harming children: "You know how it is, boys. You've got children yourselves, some of you. And you know it's not good for youngsters to get too much publicity."
Cyrus H. K. Curtis and Louisa May Alcott
Curtis, founding The Saturday Evening Post and Ladies' Home Journal, couldn't afford to pay contributors what larger magazines paid. He persuaded Louisa May Alcott — at the flood tide of her fame — to write for him by offering to send a check for a hundred dollars, not to her, but to her favorite charity.
James L. Thomas and the "Uncollectible" Accounts
Six auto service customers refused to pay their bills. The credit department's approach: assert the company was right, the customer was wrong, threaten legal action. Result: argument.
James L. Thomas was given these "uncollectible" accounts. His five steps:
- Visit each customer — but say nothing about collecting. Explain you came to find out what the company had done wrong.
- Make clear that until you've heard their story, you have no opinion. The company makes no claims to being infallible.
- Tell him you're interested only in his car, and that he knows more about his car than anyone.
- Let him talk, with all the sympathy he wants.
- When he's in a reasonable mood: appeal to his sense of fair play. "Because you are fair-minded and patient, I am going to ask you to do something for me. Here is your bill; I know it is safe for me to ask you to adjust it, just as you would do if you were the president of my company."
Result: five of six gave the company the best of it. All six became new car customers within two years.
Thomas's principle: "Assume that the person is sincere, honest, truthful, and willing to pay once convinced they are correct. The individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright, and fair."
Why It Works
Everyone sees themselves as an idealist. The "real" motive (self-interest, cost, convenience) is too small for the self-image most people carry. Name the nobler version — honor, fairness, family, principle — and the person has something worth living up to. They carry your appeal into the decision with them.
Connections
- make-others-feel-important — appealing to nobler motives is one mechanism for making people feel important; you treat them as moral agents, not obstacles
- see-their-point-of-view — you can only identify the right nobler motive by understanding what they actually value
- let-them-feel-its-their-idea — when people act on a nobler motive, they experience the decision as their own; the two techniques compound each other
- offer-sympathy — sympathy is the setup; the nobler appeal is the close