Make the Other Person Happy About Doing What You Want
Make the Other Person Happy About Doing What You Want
Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
This is one of the important rules of human relations. It is only a matter of finding a way for others to get something out of helping you: recognition, appreciation, a reward for their cooperation.
Colonel House and William Jennings Bryan
In 1915, Wilson sent Colonel House to Europe as peace emissary instead of Bryan, who desperately wanted the role. House had the thorny task of breaking the news without giving Bryan offense. He recorded in his diary:
"Bryan was distinctly disappointed when he heard I was to go to Europe. He said he had planned to do this himself. I replied that the President thought it would be unwise for anyone to do this officially, and that his going would attract a great deal of attention and people would wonder why he was there..."
The intimation: House practically told Bryan that he was too important for the job — and Bryan was satisfied.
Woodrow Wilson and William G. McAdoo
Wilson extended a cabinet invitation to McAdoo in such a way as to make him feel doubly important. McAdoo: "He said that he was making up his cabinet and that he would be very glad if I would accept a place in it as Secretary of the Treasury. He had a delightful way of putting things; he created the impression that by accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor."
Contrast: Wilson didn't apply this principle to the Senate and the League of Nations. He snubbed Republicans, refused to let them feel that the League was their idea as well as his, refused to let them have a finger in the pie — and as a result wrecked his own career, ruined his health, shortened his life, caused America to stay out of the League, and altered the history of the world.
Doubleday Page and O. Henry
The publishing house of Doubleday Page always followed this rule. They were so expert at it that even the glorious short-story writer O. Henry declared that Doubleday Page could refuse one of his stories and do it with such graciousness, such appreciation, that he felt better when Doubleday refused a story than when another publisher accepted one.
Dale O. Ferrier and Jeff's Pears
Jeff's chore was to pick up fallen pears before the mower came through. He frequently didn't do it, or did it poorly. Rather than a confrontation, Ferrier tried: "Jeff, I'll make a deal with you. For every bushel basket full of pears you pick up, I'll pay you one dollar. But after you are finished, for every pear I find left in the yard, I'll take away a dollar."
Jeff not only picked up all the pears — Ferrier had to watch to make sure he didn't pull pears off the trees to fill up some of the baskets.
Napoleon and "Men Are Ruled by Toys"
Napoleon was criticized for giving "toys" to war-hardened veterans — 15,000 crosses of the Legion of Honor, eighteen generals made "Marshals of France," calling his troops the "Grand Army." Napoleon replied: "Men are ruled by toys."
The technique of giving titles and authority works at every scale. Mrs. Ernest Gent of Scarsdale was troubled by boys destroying her lawn. Criticism failed. Coaxing failed. Then she made the worst sinner in the gang her "detective" — putting him in charge of keeping all trespassers off her lawn. That solved her problem. Her detective built a bonfire, heated an iron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy who stepped on the lawn.
Gunter Schmidt's Supervisor of Price Tag Posting
Schmidt managed a food store where an employee was chronically negligent about price tags on shelves, causing customer confusion and complaints. Reminders and confrontations didn't help. Finally, Schmidt called the young man in and told him he was appointing him Supervisor of Price Tag Posting for the entire store — responsible for keeping all shelves properly tagged.
The new title and responsibility changed the young man's attitude completely. He fulfilled his duties satisfactorily from then on.
The Formula
Carnegie's closing formula for this principle:
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything you cannot deliver.
- Know exactly what you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits the person will receive from doing what you suggest.
- Match those benefits to the other person's wants.
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that they personally will benefit.
Connections
- arouse-an-eager-want — the Part 1 principle; this principle is its leadership-mode expression: how do you make someone want to do what you need done
- let-them-feel-its-their-idea — the Part 3 complement: when the idea feels like theirs, they are already happy about it; the two principles reinforce each other
- make-others-feel-important — titles, authority, recognition: all of these work because they make the person feel important; "make them glad to do it" is often achieved by appealing to that core desire